DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF INTELLIGENT?
What does being intelligent mean exactly?
When I was a child, I did not consider myself very intelligent. I struggled painfully when asked to read out aloud, I was ashamed for writing words backwards and confused that numbers kept changing position on the page in front of me.
I was in a constantly battle with feeling inadequate and sad at school: It’s hard to see friends and siblings doing well when you’re struggling with the basics, and hearing the teacher tell my mother that you’re slow was a confirmation of my fear of being stupid. All this caused me to have low self-esteem during my childhood and most of my adult years.
IT’S SUCH A RELIEF TO KNOW THAT THERE IS MORE THAN ONE KIND OF INTELLIGENCE
I now understand that IQ, the “Intellectual Quotient” predicts how we may succeed academically, but it is only one measure of all our many capabilities. We may have a great spatial ability to think in 3D, or may have musical rhythm, cadence, and tone. Athletic, artistic, and mechanical abilities are other types of intelligence and there are many more which never get praised. One important type is Emotional Intelligence: the capacity to understand, express and manage our emotions as well as those of others.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE HELPS US BUILD STRONG AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, navigate social situations, make good decisions, and deal with difficult challenges. I believe that being able to understand and get along with people through understanding each others emotions helps us be successful in almost any area of life. It is comforting to read in a study that “people with Dyslexia tend to have more emotional intelligence and are some of the most compassionate human beings you will ever meet.” Some people have naturally good emotional skills, others need to work on them. Everyone can get better.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS A COMBINATION OF DIFFERENT SKILLS:
.1. BEING AWARE OF OUR FEELINGS
Being able to notice and accurately label different everyday feelings: Some last a few seconds, “I’m relieved!” others may stay longer, “I’m serene” or “I feel lonely”.
.2. UNDERSTANDING HOW OTHERS FEEL TOO
Being able to say: “I can see why you’re frustrated” or “I can imagine that you feel helpless right now” etc.
We are naturally designed to try to understand others, to imagine how they might feel in certain situations and why they might feel the way they do:
“You work so hard, and not get the results you deserve must be infuriating!”
“You are feeling so helpless seeing your mother in so much pain.”
Being able to imagine the strong emotions a person is feeling is called empathy. Empathy helps us care about others and build good friendships and authentic relationships.
.3. MANAGING ECCESSIVE EMOTIONAL REACTIONS
We all get angry. We all have disappointments. Often it’s important to express how we feel, but managing our reaction means knowing when, where, and how to express ourselves.
When we understand where our emotions are coming from and know how to manage them, we can hold back an excessive reaction if is not the right time or place to express it. By using our Emotional Intelligence we can tell if it will damage the relationship to react in a way that’s disrespectful, too intense, too impulsive, or harmful.
Emotional Intelligence develops as we grow. If it didn’t, all adults would act like little kids, expressing their emotions physically through stomping, hitting, yelling, or running away and hiding! Managing emotional reactions requires practice to help new brain pathways to develop so that we can choose alternative and healthier ways to talk, act and behave.
Let’s start building emotional intelligence skills by recognising what we feel, understanding how we got there, empathising with how others feel, and putting our emotions into heartfelt words.
Are you able to understand your own emotions?
Are you able to manage them?
Are you able to gauge how other people feel?
Are you open to other’s feelings?
